I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
