Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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