i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
