How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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