when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
you never un-have a 4some
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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