Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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