Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
