I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
