I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
