I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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