cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
