Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
OPIZZABONMYDICK
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
