So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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