his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize