Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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