I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
