yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
