Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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