Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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