don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
