just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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