the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
