I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
