He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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