She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
