make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
