I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
