The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
