We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
