And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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