Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
