somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
