So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
True strength comes from lack of pants
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