dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
