Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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