Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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