Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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