She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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