he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
FUCK WHALES
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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