I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
