After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
A+ Viking dick
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
