I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
