It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
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