I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
