Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
