I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
