i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
