my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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