I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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