I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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