i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize