Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg

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(440): View more from Ohio

We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!

(1-440): View more from Ohio

I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!

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(716): View more from New York

The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"

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(203): View more from Connecticut

my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.

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(614): View more from Ohio

you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.

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(339): View more from Massachusetts

I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette

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(906): View more from Michigan

Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.

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(231): View more from Michigan

Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?

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