i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
