Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
