In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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