so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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