And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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