I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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