i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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