I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
