It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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