He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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