I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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