Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just high enough for therapy.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
